Yet Another Day...

I'm not going to lie - this morning is a struggle between my flesh and my spirit. First you wake up for what feels like the 1,000th morning and you can't breath or move without coughing...and then you go to prayer and end up joking with a sick oleg who then replies, "Would you talk to my father that way?" and I feel like snapping back a cutting remark but praise the Lord I was able to hold my tongue, realizing that it would only deteriorate the situation even worse - should have never opened my mouth this morning. We of course apologized, but his was one that said I'm not wrong but I know I ticked you off so I'll apologize, and mine was one that was spoken only because he offered one. Then you get outside and realize that it's probably going to downpour at any minute - which will only wreak more havoc on my sinuses.

So how do I handle it? The only way I know how. I go to God with this irrational anger and depression and ask for help. I know these are not right emotions to have and that it's not Godly character, but they're emotions none the less and they're there. And I need the Lord to cleanse them...to help me deal with the frustration. To bring humility into my life this morning to combat the rebellion I feel rising up in me at my situation - which in the end, if I give in to it, will only make matters worse.

And He will help me because I have asked - ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. He will bring peace and comfort because instead of holding on to my anger and frustration, I'm asking him to be with me and help me through it. Still doesn't make it easy, either.

So I do the one thing I know - I praise the Lord for another day. It may not be the kind of day I want - it may not produce the things that I want out of it - but it's another day of his unending and loving mercy none the less. A day that he has chosen for me to walk with him and draw closer to him - and so I'll praise Him because regardless of my circumstances, I know that He is still God and He is still sovereign - he's still in control of everything in my life and around me. Complaining only means that I disagree with my circumstances that the Lord allowed to happen today for my day. So why not take the opportunity to let it shape me into a better woman - someone after God's own heart. Someone who one day will return a wrathful answer with love and frustration with hope to those who need it.

I want to be someone that becomes all things to all people at all times - a true servant to those around me with no alterior motives but to be a true friend to everyone around me.

Boy do I have a long way to go *sigh*...but praise God the Lord said he'd complete the work He started in me.