And Common Sense Rolls Back In

Praise God my senses have calmed down! Today, I feel like my focus is back in place. I dread looking back over those past few posts - whining about the whole husband thing. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be and am excited to be married. But it's so easy to get my eyes off of heaven and onto earthly things.

Marriage is not going to make me happier - a relationship is not going to make me happier. It may for a while, but the problems I have now will still be there after matrimony - marriage will not solve it. I know these things in my head, but sometimes my romantic sensibilities get the best of me and I start whining. I'm good at that.

But if I look at this realistically...yes, I may be overweight, but that's not the main reason why I'm not married - there's no options around here - if God wanted me married, he'd have someone come along. Because right now, the options are very few for everyone around. It's as if God has us isolated for Boot Camp *grin*.

When you look at it that way, you understand why so many women begin to get antsy and chase men. I did that in college, and I won't ever do it again if I can help it. If a man is interested in me, he'll be interested enough to ask me out or try to develop a relationship with me. If he doesn't and no one ever does, then oh well, I'll stay single - if he's not bold enough to ask me, he won't be bold enough to stand up to me - I know how stubborn I can be. And I believe in being submissive in a relationship when push comes to shove, but if I think I'm right, I know I can hold my ground to get my way. I'm going to need someone who will be a man and stand up to me. Not beat me of course *grin* but who will stand their ground...with a quiet firmness - not someone who has explosive anger. That terrifies me!

And that's the thing - very rarely am I simply attracted to someone - I have to get to know them and see them in with other people to understand what kind of person they are and what kind of heart they have.

You know, one person I absolutely adore is Alexei. If I weren't 7 years older *grin* I would be SO IN LOVE with him. He's got an awesome personality and he's hilarious when he really does say something. Boy is he ever stubborn, which really gets annoying as a leader, but he's firm in what he believes, and that's good.

Well, here I go again about the whole marriage thing *grin*. But the point of this post is simply to say that yes, I want to get married, but my focus has been wrong these past few days. I need to remember that heaven is my destination. I need to worry about building my home in heaven and not trying to recreate it here...this place will be a poor substitute.

Anyway, almost lunch time - at 3:00 pm *grin*. I fixed a type of chicken parmesian type thing...just thought I'd share ;). And you can bet I'll be breathing fire because of all the blame garlic I put in it - I LOVE garlic as we all know...

well, on second thought, the chicken isn't done yet...evidently it's raw on the inside...something I never knew (this is frozen chicken I got from TSA - we had no room for it so Cheryl gave me a back to take home - it's Wendy's frozen spicy chicken breasts). Interesting...gonna let it bake for another 40 minutes - in the meantime, I'm eating a whole can of corn (actually it was only a half) and will ruin my appetite so that I won't be able to eat the chicken *grin*. YES!

I've been blogging like a mad dawg lately - when Christmas rolls around there's a good chance I'll disappear for a good bit. Then suddenly reappear in February again *grin*. I'm beginning to get excited about Christmas and the events. I don't care how busy I am at TSA - I'm going to do what I can and have fun while I'm at it. I'm tired of complaining about the psychos I work with. I know they're psycho, so I simply need to pray for them and move on. They know I think they're psycho.

Had an interesting conversation with Bettie on Thursday, I believe it was. She came into my office and said, "I don't like to beat around the bush, I like to be direct," and then preceeded to beat around the bush for about five minutes before I finally heard her say, "So I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings - I just like to be direct. I can't help it." And then I told her, "Bettie, I would like it better if you were more direct. Sometimes you beat around the bush so much that I don't know what you're saying and I don't have time to deal with that." I know, blunt, brutal and honest, but you can't handle this woman any other way. Then she replied, "Well, I do that sometimes, too, and I can't help it." WHAT?!?! What the heck does that mean? You're direct but you beat around the bush. I'm complex, and yes, there are at times many different sides to me - but this sounds multiple personalityish to me. At that point, i said, "Sometimes you are the most normal person I've heard in the world, and then other times, it's like you're a completely different person and you can't understand anything. I don't have time to deal with that." She said that that was what she was trying to tell me and that she couldn't help it.

At this point I realize she's really just wanting attention because this woman has been CODDLED all of her life (she's 40 something) and I finally said, "Okay Bettie." And she finally left...a totally pointless conversation that took up 15 minutes of my already loaded work day. Time I could have been blogging *grin*.

Please understand that I know I waste time at work. I have to have something to break my mind from the constant stress. But this is just ridiculous...praise God I have tomorrow off. I'm thinking about going hiking to watch bill and tammy go rock climbing - you're not going to see me hefting my weight up a rock wall - yet. I have no desire to climb a rock face...just the crevices :D.

Oh well - at some point during the fall I am going to head up to Skyline drive and enjoy the beautiful leaves like I did with Holly and Evan that one fall. I think my parents were on campus when I did that - gosh I was such a jerk. I hate it when I get obsessed with guys - I wasted so much time on Evan and Chris in College.

Another story for another day...