I'm back again. My heart is so full of emotions that I can't describe - that I can't really even put into words. When did I default to taking the easy road? When did I default to trying to find the most comfortable place and staying there?
I had so much fun with Foster tonight - he just kept talking and talking and wouldn't stop *grin*. We played and played, and all of the sudden I wished that I could be a kid again. I wished that I didn't know everything that I do.
The Bible talks about those who want to stay on milk when they should be eating meat...there's so much to be done and yet I don't even attempt to do it anymore. I don't have that desire...God, what happened to my passion? What happened to my desire to do whatever you wanted? I know it's there, because I feel it try to rise up against the sickening mediocrity that I try to live with.
How do I get out of this snowballing "I can't change" effect? It's crippling...
Internet Spades is the latest waste of time I've stumbled upon. I always loved playing cards...but this is just another way to ignore what I need to do and hang on to junk.
And then there's BCU - the easiest high paying job I've had, and yet I have no desire to do it. I thank the Lord for the opportunity to get paid what I do - I know I wouldn't find it anywhere else. And I'm going to continue to work there - but I have no desire to do it. I've lost my passion for so much. How do you ignite that flame again? How do you deal with it?
I need to go to bed...really. And all that comes to mind is last Saturday when my world was about to come to a crashing halt.
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