escape to the mountains

so i took off from home group tonight and went to skyline drive just so i could talk with God. dad isn't doing too well, and so i needed to get away. talked to tracy and he was just as stressed. meals came home...i'm glad to have her back. she liked the room they did for her. that was so awesome of them.

anyway, it seems that dad was going through a-fib - same thing paul went through the sunday before last. they gave him some meds to slow down his racing heart (he was getting up into the 120's) and i don't know what they're going to do if he can't get it down. but dad's not feeling anything - don't know if that's good or not, but mom said he's having a hard time breathing and his heart is weak. i don't know what's coming, but i'm leaving it in god's hands...although i feel like i'm hyperventalating and working myself up into a lather.

but god is in control...it's ridiculous to think that he isn't - i pray for healing, but i don't want dad to suffer anymore - i want god's will in all of this - which i pray and am going to believe is healing. but i want to be prepared for whatever.

and i'm looking at choir pictures and oh no am i fat...i've got to do something. i know i keep talking about this, but maybe if i actually print out a picture of myself and hang it on the mirror, i'll realize how serious my situation is and do something about it. this is ricidulous...i mean, i'm OVERWEIGHT.

i gotta go to bed...this is not productive thinking and i'm scaring myself with my strange thought patterns. and i have a headache. and i just drank a frozen 20oz mt. dew. way to go...after a bagel with cream cheese...and some cookie dough...no, i'm not an emotional/stress eater. i just like to make myself sick on unhealthy food for the fun of it.

here we go again *sigh* - goodnight...