One More Day To Go in 2004

I'm sure everyone is pretty much thinking the same thing about now over the age of 22 - I can't believe 2005 is almost here. Another year gone - do you ever stop to look back of the year at what has happened? I have, and I'm not happy with what I see. I feel like the past year was nothing but one failing struggle with God. A waste of time in some ways, but a valuable lesson in others.

So what happens next? I begin to do what we agreed on in the leadership meeting. Praying an hour a day, fasting one day a week, and then fasting three days once a month - things that I should have been doing but couldn't - and it was all because I was trying to do it in my own strength. I continually end up trying to depend on my own strength and righteousness, and most of the time I don't even realize it. Again, it all comes from my pride.

I constantly find that I'm trying to compare myself with everyone around me - and that's sick in God's eyes. He wants me to be concerned only for me and my spiritual growth. That doesn't mean that we can't speak the truth - but learning what your motives are is a big motivator behind that. You see, I like being able to help people, but the bad side is that I begin to feel prideful because I can help people - forgetting that it's not ME that should be helping them, but the words from the Holy Spirit.

I don't know why I insist on thinking that I'm something great - I've proven over and over what I am without Christ. But with Him, I'm worth more than you could ever imagine. You see, as a Christian, I should be the best at everything I put my hand to...not because *I'm* all that special and have the abilities, but because JESUS has those abilities...and He's giving me the strength to do those things.

Learning to depend completely on Christ is HARD - it sounds easy, but when it's not your will that is being done, and you're used to having your way *grin*, it makes it all that much harder.

But today is a fast day - work is a bit easier to withstand, even though they did have chicken baking in there today for us to eat...the big thing will be at home - I don't have a specific thing to do tonight so I'll have time to pray and spend with God instead of eating...but it will be hard because when i get bored, that's what I look forward to doing. Which is probably why I have a weight problem :). Anyway, I think I may have a slight headache from the lack of caffeine, but it's not so bad.

Some people when they fast, they go from 6:00 pm of the previous night (sundown) to about 6:00 pm the next day (sundown again)...but I didn't do that...I'm just going to do 12 to 12 for now - I may change it in the future...but I kinda like the whole day without being near food :). I don't know why, but there is just something about denying your body of food that strengthens your spirit...it calms me and it causes me to be more in control of my reactions.

Feeding the flesh as opposed to feeding the spirit. Spending time with God instead of spending time eating - because if you're not praying during the fast, it's just starving yourself and defeating the purpose. But it's hard when you're addicted to the way food tastes. *sigh* But God can break me of this :).

Well, I'm just kinda goofing off now, so I'll go ahead and get some work done at work *grin*.

I'll write more tonight about New Years :).